Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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