I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
