WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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