We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
