i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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