You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
