you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
