Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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