He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're too hungover to prance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
