Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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