i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
