I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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