i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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