I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
