who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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