I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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