I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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