Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
