I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
