her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
