make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
