if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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