What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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