I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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