Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
