oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
