my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
