mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
