you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
