my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
