WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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