At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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