i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
