Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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