highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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