Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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