It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I love having hate sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
