You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
