...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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