Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
