shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How's work?
Spinning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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