This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
