let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They took my balls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
