well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
