Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
