connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sober January is a disaster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
