i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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