FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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