Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I looked at my own cervix.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
