I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
