Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
